Spoon Theory

I don't have enough spoons.

If you know me well, you've probably heard me say this more than once. So, what do I mean?

Spoon theory is used by some physically and mentally ill patients to describe energy levels. Basically, a spoon represents a certain amount of energy. Everyone starts the day with a certain number of spoons for the day. A healthy person would start with a higher number than a person with chronic or mental illness.

Each task throughout the day takes a certain amount of energy, or number of spoons. Different tasks take different amounts of energy for different people.

So, say a person with chronic illness starts the day with 21 spoons. Their day might look like this:

Getting out of bed- 3 spoons
Getting dressed- 5 spoons
Hygiene- 7 spoons
Important phone call- 6 spoons

Now, they're out of spoons for the day. They might be able to take a break or nap and recover some spoons, but they might not.

An abled person would start the day with more spoons than a disabled person.

People with chronic illness and mental illness often budget their spoons. I know I do. For instance, I'm not showering or recording a video lesson this morning, like I could be, because I know that it might use up the spoons I need to work in an hour.

Budgeting helps, but it only goes so far. Sometimes, you don't have enough spoons in total for the things that need to happen that day. Maybe you had nightmares and couldn't sleep, your pain levels are really high, you're having trouble breathing, you had a seizure that day, etc. Or, perhaps something unexpected happened. You spilled your breakfast, which upset you and required mopping up. This cut into your carefully budgeted spoons, and now you don't have enough.

Living life while budgeting spoons doesn't make life bad. I love my life. You should understand, though, that when a person doesn't have enough spoons to hang out, call, chat, etc., it's nothing personal. They probably really wish they could do the thing, but either they don't have a reserve of spoons to draw from, or they would be taking away from important things like being able to eat or take medication, to do it.

As a sort of P.S., being an autistic spoonie is interesting. I'm not great at self-awareness; I can only notice feelings (physical and mental) when they are extreme. This means that I often don't know that a task will require more spoons than I have until I've already started it. Sometimes, I don't know that I don't have the spoons to hang out until I get there and fall asleep on the table or become very reactive. My friends are pretty understanding, though, and I love spending time with them when I can.