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Perception of Proximity

People with vision disorders often have a sort of sixth sense that enables them to tell when something is in front of them. This sense can be developed intentionally over time in sighted people, as well. The sensation is something like feeling the object in front of your face as a force. Scientists say that we are actually using echos and sounds to locate things when we perceive distance that way. Although I am by no means blind, I have some vision disorders, as well as headaches that come with extreme light sensitivity, and I have developed this sense over time.
That's actually really cool, but it does create some different needs for me regarding personal space when coupled with autism, PTSD, and anxiety. For me, autism means experiencing things around me more intensely than neurotypical people do. Specifically, I'm more aware/hyperaware of things near me because my brain does not “tune out” or “filter” sensory input to select what’s important very well. Also, my feeling of “near me” includes objects further away than what a neurotypical person would consider near them. Ordinarily, this causes some discomfort in social situations.
When I’m overwhelmed, though, this phenomenon gets even worse. Sensory input heightens my state of being overwhelmed. I feel trapped a lot of the time, or I’m trying to focus really hard on holding it together/not having a meltdown/finishing what I’m trying to do that’s overwhelming. Then, I have a really hard time tolerating things and people within about 10 feet of me, especially people who might be focused on me. I need a little extra space.
Eventually, I can reach a state of shut-down where my brain gets so overwhelmed that it stops processing things around me at all. This is not a productive state for me, but the people around me often find it easier to handle than my anxiety. Hyperfocus is another state that can make me unaware of things around me sometimes, but I enjoy that sensation much more.
My perception of proximity is not inherently bad. In a peaceful environment, I love to close my eyes and focus on feeling the proximity/presence of everything around me. My favorite places to do this are in the cat rooms at animal shelters and sitting on rocks or against trees in the forest. Sometimes, it can be a meditative experience. I also tend to notice details that others don't as a result of the way my brain works.
Family and friends can help by being aware of our surroundings when deciding whether to touch me. While I might be okay with touch and hugs in our quiet backyard or living room, I will find it stressful in more crowded places, like the grocery store. I will probably not be able to verbalize or indicate my discomfort to you and will just become more irritable because it is hard for me to process what I'm feeling and why quickly enough to react. I feel really bad when things come out snappily and when I have trouble coping.
I'm not sorry that I'm more in tune with my surroundings than neurotypical people, though. What makes for stressful grocery trips makes for more magical hikes, bird-watching adventures, gardening, etc. for me and the people with me. I try not to be sorry for the way I am, which I did not choose and am not sure I want to change; I just need a little extra space. 
Parts of this post were originally published on my Tumblr. It is my own original work.
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