.Being.Us

CW: Involuntary psychiatric hospital commitment, details of hallucinations and delusions So, I want to update everyone on my psych situation. I don't know if this will be a positive or a negative post. It may be a little disjointed. If I start talking about something and realize that explaining it is putting me in a bad head space, I'm just going to end the paragraph mid-thought and move on to the next part. I went to the hospital this week because my anti-psychotic, Seroquel wasn't working. I was having simple auditory and visual hallucinations, as well as delusions that were much more immersive than usual. It turns out that Seroquel often doesn't work for autistic people (like me). At first, the delusions started out disjointed, which is more normal for me. In the first couple of days of the psychotic episode, I thought all of these things (copied from my Tumblr ), but not simultaneously: That my neighbors were monsters and that there was a monster trapped ...

Earlier this week, I started on the medication  Seroquel . I'm on 100 (milligrams, I think) and will gradually increase to the therapeutic dose of 250, if all goes as planned. I just wanted to give a quick update on my experience so far. Issues It is Intended to Treat Insomnia Paranoia Delusions Benefits so Far Mood stabilization - My mood fluctuates a lot less throughout the day. I did not realize that the amount that my mood changed independent of external circumstances was unusual, but it stays steady more now.  Insomnia Drastically Reduced - I fall asleep without trouble and only wake up 1-2 times per night. I have NEVER experienced that before. At first, it made me sleepy during the day, too, but melatonin and a little caffeine sorted out my sleep schedule well. Increased Focus Side Effects so Far Drowsiness - It puts me to sleep about 1-2 hours after I take it, and it's hard to wake up in the morning without caffeine. Nausea - I experience nausea ...

Content warnings: Venting, Medical Records, SSI, Psychiatry Content in this blog represents my own personal opinions and experiences. So, story time: I need SSI paperwork completed by my psychiatrist's office immediately, or it could add a whole year to my wait. It's the only office that hasn't turned in the SSI paperwork, yet. They emailed me today and said that they will not do it because I "haven't seen my current psychiatrist 4-6 times," and it is department policy that I do so before paperwork is completed. I've been with my psychiatrist's office for around 2 years. It's part of a major hospital network in my city, and they've had some turnover in the department during my time with them. My first psychiatrist,  Dr. Vaka , was okay. He didn't really get  autism, but he worked with me until we found meds that helped me. He also listened to me, even though I had a lot more trouble communicating when I started to see him than I d...

People with vision disorders often have a sort of sixth sense that enables them to tell when something is in front of them. This sense can be developed intentionally over time in sighted people, as well. The sensation is something like feeling the object in front of your face as a force. Scientists say that we are actually using echos and sounds to locate things when we perceive distance that way. Although I am by no means blind, I have some vision disorders, as well as headaches that come with extreme light sensitivity, and I have developed this sense over time. That's actually really cool, but it does create some different needs for me regarding personal space when coupled with autism, PTSD, and anxiety. For me, autism means experiencing things around me more intensely than neurotypical people do. Specifically, I'm more aware/hyperaware of things near me because my brain does not “tune out” or “filter” sensory input to select what’s important very well. Also, my feeling of ...