.Being.Us

Many holidays are coming up, and that means holiday gatherings. Holiday gatherings can be nice in that they allow us to see the people we love, but they can also bring crowds, unwanted physical contact, sensory overload, changes in routine, unscripted conversation, and other challenges that are especially irksome for autistic and mentally ill people (like me). This blog will cover some ways to address these issues and lessen their impact. Note: The dyslexic font add-ons aren't working right now, so this new font is accessible to me.  Don't pack in too many gatherings: Trying to do too much is a good way to get overwhelmed. Allow down-time to recharge between gatherings.  Know what to expect : Knowing what will happen and when can help reduce anxiety. It can help to know the schedule, familiarize yourself with the places you'll be going (drive-bys or photos help me), and know who you'll be seeing at the events.  Prepare scripts : Whether you'll be going for a ...

Often, when people find out I deal with mental illness , chronic illness, or autism , they express how sorry they are. This feels strange, like I'm defective in some way, and they wish they could change me, like I'm not loveable as I am. I know that's not what they're trying to express. Sometimes, I do wish I could change me. Mental illness is especially hard. Even though I know there's no shame in having a mental illness, and it's not something I can overcome by sheer willpower, sometimes, I feel ashamed not to be able to will it away. There are days when, no matter how hard I try, I cannot do the very important things that need done, and the only block is an illness in my own mind. There are nights when I cannot logic away delusions or talk down paranoia enough to take my dog out. There are times when I do things during a mental health episode that I come to regret later. This all gets even harder to judge with chronic physical illnesses and autism mixed in;...

Content warnings: Venting, Medical Records, SSI, Psychiatry Content in this blog represents my own personal opinions and experiences. So, story time: I need SSI paperwork completed by my psychiatrist's office immediately, or it could add a whole year to my wait. It's the only office that hasn't turned in the SSI paperwork, yet. They emailed me today and said that they will not do it because I "haven't seen my current psychiatrist 4-6 times," and it is department policy that I do so before paperwork is completed. I've been with my psychiatrist's office for around 2 years. It's part of a major hospital network in my city, and they've had some turnover in the department during my time with them. My first psychiatrist,  Dr. Vaka , was okay. He didn't really get  autism, but he worked with me until we found meds that helped me. He also listened to me, even though I had a lot more trouble communicating when I started to see him than I d...

People with vision disorders often have a sort of sixth sense that enables them to tell when something is in front of them. This sense can be developed intentionally over time in sighted people, as well. The sensation is something like feeling the object in front of your face as a force. Scientists say that we are actually using echos and sounds to locate things when we perceive distance that way. Although I am by no means blind, I have some vision disorders, as well as headaches that come with extreme light sensitivity, and I have developed this sense over time. That's actually really cool, but it does create some different needs for me regarding personal space when coupled with autism, PTSD, and anxiety. For me, autism means experiencing things around me more intensely than neurotypical people do. Specifically, I'm more aware/hyperaware of things near me because my brain does not “tune out” or “filter” sensory input to select what’s important very well. Also, my feeling of ...