.Being.Us

TW: Psychiatric Medication I wrote this rough draft of a poem a few years ago for spoken word and never came back to edit it, but I really like it. To me, it represents finding the balance in my psychiatric medication and sort of losing myself by being over-medicated but losing my ability to maintain my relationships with people who matter to me by being under-medicated.     This is the time of day When the oceans roar The messy crash of salty waves is pain But the tearful surge is the herald of my reward   They're coming back My thoughts are riding on the clouds Where I used to live My wonderings crashing in the pattern of my name   Here comes the Storm   Boatless, I'm dead man's floating out to sea Will I go into that hurricane? Will I float until the waves lift me to the clouds, Not into the eye of the storm, but in the swirling winds?   The swirling of that storm is where I once discovered lightn...

This blog post is adapted from a  Tumblr post I wrote some time ago. It details some ways to resist self harm, for those of us that struggle with it, that I’ve picked up over the years from therapy, blogs, books, etc. They don’t always work for me, but they’ve helped a lot. Hopefully some of them will work for you, too. 1. Stop self harming and put away/ walk away from whatever you're using to self harm. Put it somewhere hard to get to if necessary. 2. Keep a list of positive coping mechanisms that work for you. Employ coping mechanisms such as:  Draw wherever you want to cut. Use marker, since pens can be used to hurt yourself! Hold an ice cube to your skin . This provides a strong sensation that is grounding and can be painful. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and flick yourself with it . This one never worked for me, but some people swear by it. Rub a body brush or soft-bristled hair brush where you want to cut. Try different brushes, but make sure the brist...

CW: depression, psychiatric medications, suicide Around 16 million adults of all backgrounds will experience depression in their lifetimes- that's 7% of the world's population ( NAMI ). Depression is more than just feeling sad once in a while. It's a serious mental health condition that impacts the ability of those affected to do daily tasks, work, sustain relationships, and otherwise engage in their lives. Depression can cause sleeping too little, sleeping too much, eating too little, eating too much, agitated movement, thoughts of self harm or suicide, feelings of guilt or hopelessness, difficulty focusing, executive dysfunction, loss of energy, physical aches and pains, and other symptoms ( NAMI ). I experience severe depression when I am not taking antidepressants, to the point of being unable to get out of bed and feeling nearly constantly suicidal and more mild depression when I'm on antidepressants. There are a number of things you can try to help combat depre...

This is a vent blog, but maybe it will give some insight into the types of changes that are hard as an autistic person: This week has been a barrage of change. I notice the tiny changes that I'm told allistics don't notice, and there were also a lot of bigger changes. First, I got a new student, which is a pretty common change; it happens about every 6 weeks. Then, I tried to do a lesson with an existing student, but our software wouldn’t work. Work told me the software had permanently discontinued service to our company, and I had to download and learn a new software, so I did. Several days later, though, they told me that the original software had been reinstated. This week, 4 lessons got rescheduled by students, my roommate was coming and going on a new schedule, and I was sleeping on a new bed. I started a new major project for work, and service techs came with noisy drills and disrupted my routines. I'm working way more hours than I can handle, and it's t...