Skip to main content

I am Native, I am White: A Poem

Since I moved to the city and lost my in-person ties to the culture that was a part of my childhood, I've been grappling with my identity and place in the world and my community as a person who is both Native (Cherokee and Apache) and White. Native American Heritage Day seemed like an appropriate time to open up about that struggle. Here's a poem I've been sitting on that I'm still not 100% sure I want to be sharing, honestly, but here goes.

 I am Native, I am White

As much as I am Native

I am also White

And I cannot deny

That White blood

Flows in my veins

As much as Cherokee

As much as Apache.

As much as I was raised with Blackfeet traditions,

I was raised with White Man’s ones.

Only how can I reconcile

That one part of me

Has done so much harm

To the other:

Broken treaties

Broken Bodies

Broken Lives

Children Ripped from parents

Sent to boarding schools

Where cultures and languages

I love were stamped out.

Trail of Tears.

 

Blood percentages are a weapon of colonization

But if I am wholly Native

Then I am wholly White

And wholly responsible

For the privilege

Biases, and violence therein

I am wholly Native

I am wholly White

I do not see myself at peace

I see myself ripping apart

The structures within myself

That have enabled generations of violence

And then turning that fervent

Energy outward

As much as I am Native

I am also White

And I will apply the energy of two Peoples

To ending the violence

That has endured for generations


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Unnamed Friend

Dear unnamed friend, I carefully hoarded enough spoons to do the activity you suggested at the time you suggested. I went to bed super early and planned NOTHING for tomorrow to be able to do it. I just got discharged from psych this week, and the meds still aren’t all the way in my system, so I’m foggy-minded and emotional. I also woke up every 90 minutes last night for 30-45 minutes due to nightmares about the hospital that joined my normal nightmares. I told you I’d let you know around 9am today, when my alarm was set to sound, whether I could come to the 1pm event today, and I texted you that yes, I could come, but I needed to sleep until 10 to regain spoons. You texted me 4-5 times between 9:15 and 10, effectively cancelling any change I had to sleep, since it takes me at least 2 hours to wake all the way up. You tried to change the plans to pick me up around 10:15am, and I understand why. You were already in the area for something and didn’t want to drive all the w...

Distress Tolerance Skills Part 1: Crisis Survival Skills

All posts in this series reference working through DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition , and all quotes come from that book unless otherwise specified. Goals of Distress Tolerance: Distress tolerance skills are important because distress is always going to be a part of life, and fighting against that fact causes more suffering. Distress is also part of making any change in ourselves, and if we shy away from that pain, we will be unable to progress. The Distress Tolerance Skills section of the book will be divided into two main types of handouts: Crisis Survival and Reality Acceptance. There will also be some material for "When the Crisis is Addiction". This blog will cover crisis survival skills. The distress tolerance section has 3 main goals: "Survive crisis situations without making them worse Accept reality Replace suffering and being "stuck" with ordinary pain and the possibility of moving forward Become free of having t...

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills Part 1

All posts in this series reflect working through  DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition . All quotes come from this book unless otherwise noted.  Deciding to Study Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills: According to the book, the reason for practicing interpersonal effectiveness skills is to "be skillful in getting what you want and need from others", "build relationships and end destructive ones", and "walk the middle path". There are some factors that can get in the way of interpersonal effectiveness: lacking the skills you need, not knowing what you want, being too emotional to be skillful, forgetting long-term goals because of what you want right now, "other people... getting in the way", and having thoughts and beliefs that get in the way. The thoughts and beliefs that were getting in the way of me practicing interpersonal effectiveness skills were: "If I ask for something or say no, I can't stand if so...