Animal Abuse. People talk about it like it's something only evil people do, something that's only done intentionally or out of irresponsibility, yet it's something I struggle actively against every single day.
Now, my dog is the light of my life, and I never want to harm her, physically or psychologically, so I won't stop fighting against abusive tendencies in myself. That doesn't mean they're not there, though.
First, I have a tendency towards neglect. Mental illness makes me scared to leave the house, and chronic physical illness makes me sometimes unable to, so it's very difficult for me to take my dog out often enough. I usually manage that, though. What I don't manage is to give her enough exercise, and there's no way I can, even trying my very hardest. Executive dysfunction and brain fog would cause me to forget to feed her entirely, except that she reminds me. I keep very rigid systems and plans in place to try to make sure I don't miss any steps of taking care of her, but that doesn't mean I don't realize I'm an hour late to feed her or a month late for her heartworm medicine sometimes, because that happens.
I also have a tendency towards physical abuse. The same way I hit my head and hit myself without knowing I'm going to do it before it happens, my dog can get caught in the crossfire. Years of therapy hasn't fixed this, but I try so, so, so hard to make sure she doesn't get hurt. I'd much rather hurt myself than her. But pinching, hitting, shoving, choking- I fight against their unexpected appearance every minute of every day and try to at least direct them towards me instead of her. I work hard on not letting my stress level get high enough to cause this, but I have a very low distress tolerance.
I never want to hurt my dog, and I work very hard to avoid it. Tendencies towards animal abuse, though, don't just exist in evil people or people who hate animals. Some of us fight them every day.
Now, my dog is the light of my life, and I never want to harm her, physically or psychologically, so I won't stop fighting against abusive tendencies in myself. That doesn't mean they're not there, though.
First, I have a tendency towards neglect. Mental illness makes me scared to leave the house, and chronic physical illness makes me sometimes unable to, so it's very difficult for me to take my dog out often enough. I usually manage that, though. What I don't manage is to give her enough exercise, and there's no way I can, even trying my very hardest. Executive dysfunction and brain fog would cause me to forget to feed her entirely, except that she reminds me. I keep very rigid systems and plans in place to try to make sure I don't miss any steps of taking care of her, but that doesn't mean I don't realize I'm an hour late to feed her or a month late for her heartworm medicine sometimes, because that happens.
I also have a tendency towards physical abuse. The same way I hit my head and hit myself without knowing I'm going to do it before it happens, my dog can get caught in the crossfire. Years of therapy hasn't fixed this, but I try so, so, so hard to make sure she doesn't get hurt. I'd much rather hurt myself than her. But pinching, hitting, shoving, choking- I fight against their unexpected appearance every minute of every day and try to at least direct them towards me instead of her. I work hard on not letting my stress level get high enough to cause this, but I have a very low distress tolerance.
I never want to hurt my dog, and I work very hard to avoid it. Tendencies towards animal abuse, though, don't just exist in evil people or people who hate animals. Some of us fight them every day.
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