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Thermometer for my Brain

There's no thermometer for mental illness. When a symptom is concerning me, I can't get a CT scan to determine what degree of intervention is needed for the injury or illness. I have to use my better judgement, and, since mental illness and my better judgement are both in my mind, that's not the most reliable.

Sometimes, I underestimate the severity of a symptom, and I end up hurting myself or doing unusual things, like drawing strings of letters on our doors and light switches to "keep the monsters out." People get upset with me for not seeking professional help soon enough in these instances.

Other times, though, a symptom concerns me, and I opt to go to the hospital, where I'm told I'm "borderline" or "attention seeking," which I'm not. I'm there for a very specific symptom, and since my psychiatrist's office doesn't have urgent appointments, I have to either tough it out for a long time or seek emergency care. There's no in-between. People get frustrated at me in these instances, too.

Yesterday was an example of this. I went to the hospital because I was dissociating badly and having trouble keeping myself safe as a result, but, because I was not suicidal or homicidal, I was sent home. At the beginning, I was having a meltdown due to autism, and I was called "borderline" and "attention seeking," when really, I was overwhelmed and nobody was making any effort to accommodate the needs of an autistic patient. 

There are, of course, many times where, I seek the appropriate level of intervention, but people spend so much time frustrated at me for misjudging what level of intervention is needed for my symptoms. They fail to see that I'm just trying to say, "This symptom is concerning me. I'll go to whichever level of professional you think is best to address it, including therapy. I just need it addressed."

Mental health care providers need to realize that there's no thermometer for mental illness. When a symptom is concerning patients, they can't get a CT scan to determine what degree of intervention is needed for the injury or illness.
Rather than shaming patients for seeking the wrong level of care, doctors should direct them to the appropriate level of care without invalidating them, or help them if they can.


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