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Dear Unnamed Friend


Dear unnamed friend,
I carefully hoarded enough spoons to do the activity you suggested at the time you suggested. I went to bed super early and planned NOTHING for tomorrow to be able to do it.
I just got discharged from psych this week, and the meds still aren’t all the way in my system, so I’m foggy-minded and emotional.

I also woke up every 90 minutes last night for 30-45 minutes due to nightmares about the hospital that joined my normal nightmares.
I told you I’d let you know around 9am today, when my alarm was set to sound, whether I could come to the 1pm event today, and I texted you that yes, I could come, but I needed to sleep until 10 to regain spoons.

You texted me 4-5 times between 9:15 and 10, effectively cancelling any change I had to sleep, since it takes me at least 2 hours to wake all the way up.

You tried to change the plans to pick me up around 10:15am, and I understand why. You were already in the area for something and didn’t want to drive all the way back out again. You didn’t understand several things, though:
1)      A sudden change in plans will immediately sap all the spoons my autistic, spoonie ass has managed to gather together since leaving the hospital
2)      No sleep will render me hysterical, and you’re waking me up
3)      By the time I adjust to the idea of a change in plans, it will be too late to tell you “yes”
4)      It takes me 2 hours to get ready. Period. A lot of that is just mentally preparing for a transition to avoid a meltdown/shutdown and also trying to have the executive functioning skills to get me and the dog both together without an aide, which is really hard. If you want me to not be freaking out and missing all my stuff, I need 2 hours to get ready.
Now, you’re also inviting me to Skype in, but I don’t think I can think clearly enough to get logged into Skype. This is one of those days where I type the name of the person I want to email into the address bar and can’t process how to actually get to my email and email them.
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  1. ZekeSeptember 4, 2017 at 2:53 AM

    So, I actually made it to the event. The friend came back at the scheduled time, which wasn't super convenient for him, and I pulled myself together. We had a lot of fun.

    ReplyDelete

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