.Being.Us

CW: suicide, dysphoria, ptsd, memory loss My relationship with my transition journey is complicated by the fact that PTSD has erased most of my memories of a decade of my life, including all of puberty. However, I want to try, as best I can, to tell you about my transition. When I was a child, my family did not emphasize gender roles. I was allowed to wear wear and play with whatever I liked and be whoever I liked, and therefore, I didn't feel a great need to push back against my assigned gender. Early in puberty, I was still allowed to date who I liked and be who I liked, and my body was late to develop, so I still didn't feel much dysphoria. Even though I didn't know what trans was, I was already presenting as my real self.  Autism helped me be oblivious to the opinions of anyone who might have disagreed with my gender presentation. I also remember being exposed to the concept of intersex people around this time and thinking "I was supposed to be born that way....

CW: internalized transphobia, dysphoria March 31st every year is International Day of Transgender Day of Visibility. A sister to Transgender Day of Remembrance, the Day of Visibility is a day of empowerment, celebrating the accomplishments of the transgender community and fighting against discrimination. This year, I've avoided talking and thinking about my gender much more than in the past, so, instead of a more traditional Day of Visibility post, I'm going to explore that a little. I think there are a number of reasons I don't talk about my gender identity as much as I used to: Not talking about it helps me ignore my gender dysphoria . Gender dysphoria is "a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there's a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity," (- Nation Health Service UK ) and I've found that avoiding the topic of gender helps me avoid the most painful of the dysphoric feelings. I don't want t...