.Being.Us

TW: Psychiatric Medication I wrote this rough draft of a poem a few years ago for spoken word and never came back to edit it, but I really like it. To me, it represents finding the balance in my psychiatric medication and sort of losing myself by being over-medicated but losing my ability to maintain my relationships with people who matter to me by being under-medicated.     This is the time of day When the oceans roar The messy crash of salty waves is pain But the tearful surge is the herald of my reward   They're coming back My thoughts are riding on the clouds Where I used to live My wonderings crashing in the pattern of my name   Here comes the Storm   Boatless, I'm dead man's floating out to sea Will I go into that hurricane? Will I float until the waves lift me to the clouds, Not into the eye of the storm, but in the swirling winds?   The swirling of that storm is where I once discovered lightn...

CW: Involuntary psychiatric hospital commitment, details of hallucinations and delusions So, I want to update everyone on my psych situation. I don't know if this will be a positive or a negative post. It may be a little disjointed. If I start talking about something and realize that explaining it is putting me in a bad head space, I'm just going to end the paragraph mid-thought and move on to the next part. I went to the hospital this week because my anti-psychotic, Seroquel wasn't working. I was having simple auditory and visual hallucinations, as well as delusions that were much more immersive than usual. It turns out that Seroquel often doesn't work for autistic people (like me). At first, the delusions started out disjointed, which is more normal for me. In the first couple of days of the psychotic episode, I thought all of these things (copied from my Tumblr ), but not simultaneously: That my neighbors were monsters and that there was a monster trapped ...